As I look beyond a body lays where a soul used to rest. The shell of a corpse looks peaceful and at ease for the first time in a long time. What a sad moment to experience, but a love unlike any other can be seen. As I watched them lay my grandfather to eternal sleep my emotions sat in an empty pit of despair. The human I have seen overcome many obstacles has finally been defeated and the safety in my mind has been turned off. The love spread around the room was enamoring and full. Friends and family gathered to bear witness to a human who touched so many within his life. At the same moment I went to comfort my father. When I laid my hands around his icy shoulders I didn’t feel like I was grasping my dad but a stranger. I never truly understood what it meant to feel alone but in that moment I did not feel wanted. As I reached around and asked, “Are you doing okay” the response was absent. In this moment I finally realized the person I always craved love and attention from was no longer there, at least in my mind. It definitely is a surreal moment to figure out someone who you’ve chased after forever never really wanted you in the first place, it was a race I would never be able to finish. My hands wrapped around his shoulders and nothing but a frigid breeze came across me. “Who am I holding,” this ran through my head as in the moment I forgot who I hugged. “Ohh this is supposed to be my dad,” but no love came across. It is quite a feeling to figure out something you’ve been thinking for a long time but only finally realized, like a flower learning it has a smell. My heart aches and my head spins but I finally have found a clarity in my life. The death of one brings the realization of many and I am glad I figured it out before it is too late. This story is not one to seek help or cure sadness but to show a moment of enlightenment in a time of darkness. I will never beg for another persons love but only accept those who willingly love me. As a parent to child the love should be unconditional but there is always a rare case where the love is non existent. Life can be fleeting and this I know but somewhere in it you must know where to stand and where to go.